I used to view life with rose coloured glasses on. I started the year happily, and claimed that this was going to be my best year yet. I was focused and continued on with school at ease. It was a very comfortable spring semester for me this year. Summer came, and nothing really special happened during that season. It was just uncomfortably hot, and would personally wear long sleeves outside. People would give me weird stares for wearing long sleeve shirts on a 100 degree weather,... and so what? I am just protecting my skin from the evil sun.
The start of fall semester came, and I started to become depressed. No one in the family has noticed the drastic change in my mood, but I was personally experiencing problems within me. I would get angry easily, over simple stuff. I remember losing appetite during these months that lasted from August to the end of November. Everyday I was hopeless. Almost everyday I thought of taking my own life. I was just worried for my parents. I would go to school, and no one would notice...... except for this one person who asked me, "What's wrong with you these days? I noticed you haven't been so smiley lately. Are you okay?". Of course, I did say that I was okay but in reality I wasn't. I couldn't help myself, so I had to rush to the bathroom. Tears started to fall down. I was balling inside the school's bathroom because I was really not okay. I went back out, and thank God I had my redness relief visine in my bag. Within a few minutes, the redness on my eyes were almost gone. December came, and I am slowly gaining myself back. I did tell a few friends about my situation, and yes they did help, but I couldnt remove the fact that I was really hopeless and useless to the world. Now this month is about to end, I have realised that whatever I went through, was probably God's plan. It was taken as a lesson for me to be stronger for this next upcoming year.
Now, I see the world as if our lives have already been written in a book, and we're just going through its pages at the very moment. Do you think our lives would still continue its chapters? Or our individual book has ended, that we are only waiting for its happy ending?
Though I am still waiting for a few more months to really say that I am now okay, I am looking forward for what 2020 has got for me. I pray that it would be better since I would be starting next year with a bang! I hope I can really document all of the precious moments, that will for sure be posted on a new YouTube channel.
Finally, I am still not too sure if I beat the darkness within me, but I sure did it all with a smile on my face.


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I gathered a list of my favourites that I discovered this year! Enjoy!

✰ MOVIES or SERIES
- Aladdin (English)
- Lion King (English)
- Ikaw at Ako (Tagalog)


✰ MUSIC
- Check my Spotify!


✰ TECH